the ex

A couple of years ago I became romantically involved with this guy, Ryan. He had just moved here from Austin, he was completely unaware of how attractive he was, and he was in a band. I immediately saw visions of myself waking up from a slumber to him serenading me with his guitar outside my window under the moon and a sky full of stars. It was perfect. Well, my vision was perfect. Turns out he kind-of-sort-of had a girlfriend of fives years back in Austin....

But I convinced myself this wasn't my problem! It wasn't me that made a commitment of fidelity. It wasn't me facing an ethical dilemma. So, being young, and with a yearning heart, I continued to see him.

I am going to skip over the "ooOos" and "Awws" of young love. And I will spare you the details of when he finally dumped his girlfriend, sulked for about a month, and then stopped seeing me, as well, to pursue a myriad of other girls. I am jumping right to the part, 2 years later, where I ask him to be my friend on facebook only to find that he is back to living in Austin, and dating his ex.

My initial reaction to this discovery was not the expected resentment or jealousy, but pity. More and more I find people gravitating back to their exes, like moths to the flame, like rats to the cheese, compulsive eaters to the dairy queen. In every situation it is just sad. You'd think that being human and with a cognitive thought process one would make a different choice, and not repeatedly make the same mistake. But somehow, when one returns to their ex, it is justified by fate, its because they are in love.

I have heard it all before, we are in love, we always have been, we were just confused for a little while, but our hearts found a way back to eachother. Does anyone honestly believe this? Are we all too frightened of the truth, and seeing the situation for what it is? I am not assuming that every situation is the same. People could get back together for comfort, or for reassurance, or maybe just for great sex. But I think we can all agree that if a couple breaks up, something was not working out, and although there may be chemistry, the compatibility as far as a healthy relationship goes, is lacking.

Instead of returning to what you know, or who you know, rather, I urge everyone to embrace the unknown. There is so much to learn from so many different people. There is no need to look back with regret, just move on. If the "one" is out there, it is not the ex.